"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"

This "cliche" quote happens to make increible sense today. I feel like I've been trying so hard to figure things out, I've been creating expectations inside my mind, I've been planning an solution and immediate result and game plan. Now, I sit here and realize that all the thinking and planning is useless, things will happen or not, it will be or it won't, you'll get there if it's meant to be, if not then you'll stay where you are or go somewhere else. I keep asking questions that I know only time will answer, I obssess about why things happened and I know that in the end, I'm only hurting myself, I need to let it go, I need to summerge myself in the moment, to learn from the laughter and the pain from yesterday, to live joylessly each moment that I grasp right now and to not lose my endless hunger and inspiration for a magical tomorrow, those three things are what I will focus on, that's what I want.

thoughts inside my head:

Someday it will all make sense.

What you dont find within, you wont find without.

Let it go.

Let the chips fall where they may.

One day at a time.

One step before the next.

Get better.

Don't wait around.

Stop expecting.

Stop the self guilt and self doubt.

Live your life.

I'm the heart with no name, air brushed on the license plate of a subaru that was registered in pennsylvania.

"Pero todo en este mundo es temporal, lo eres tu y lo soy yo"

"Everything in this world is temporarely, you and I included"

Tough week, my car ac broke, really annoying. I still dont know what's wrong really, i'm gonna have it checked tomorrow, i've been kinda pissed off, ry and i have been arguing a lot lately, we just rub each other the wrong way, but i dont want it to get out of control, i know that sometimes i get on bitch mode and i cant seem to get out of it, so we kinda made up with a hug, which is good.
i'm still letting time do its thing, it seems like a million years have passed in the last two weeks, too many events happening in front of my eyes. i'm still trying to make better choices, to understand that although life is short, there's always a wya to not end up in a hole, i just feel so jaded. i want something real, and as time passes by, i think that it doesnt exist, or maybe it doesnt exist for me. i understand why they wont talk to me, why the distance is needed but the silence between us is uncomfortable and hurtful, i just hope that in time, we could find ourselves in a better place, one where we could put the ugly behind and stick to being friends, to hanging out and having fun like once upon a time.

I really have a lot of balls, I mean...I'm soooo lucky in so many ways. I have a healthy, beautiful and outrageous daughter, I have a good relationship/friendship with her dad, I get along with his family very very well, I was able to find a good job (in this economy) fairly quickly, I have Vilma that aside her age and spontaneous A.C issues, she's still riding us around. I spend more money than I should on stupid things really, which I have to change because I need to start saving up and taking care of some debt too. I guess, there's no reason for me to really complain, I mean...yea, I have emotional issues and all my friends seem to have lost their minds or whatever, I really don't know who I can count with right now but I know that I have God and the angels and I know that all my needs will be taken care of, I just need to trust and to let go of negative thoughts, I need to trust my gut and think about all the wonderful things I have, I'm strong enough to see that there's always sunshine out there, there's sunshine in me and that's what's important.

Balance.

My mother in law has a couple of card decks, each of them is different, she has one for the goddesses, another one for angels, etc. Last time, I needed guidance, Abbey was playing with the Goddesses one and I asked her to pick a card, the card it was the Goddess, Athena and it said to trust your gut, which helped me so much because that's what I needed to hear. Yesterday, Abbey was playing with the Angels deck, and again I asked her to pick a card for me, she picked Balance, it basically said to learn to balance my life between work, family, myself and fun. Which is funny again, because that's exactly what I'm trying to achieve, all week last week I stayed home, meditated, relaxed, etc. On the weekend, I went out and played, spent time with my little girl, who's the most awesome person in my world, she makes everything brighter. So, little by little I'm moving on, I miss my friends, I still got some unfinished issues inside my mind, I'm learning to control my wild side to a point, honestly it'll be silly to think that I will change the wild woman inside me completely and I dont want to lose her, she's awesome, lol but I think is important to learn to balance myself between the pillars that divide my life, I need a new book, I also want to work on a new portrait, something creative. The silence of my house at night sometimes drives me crazy, I was so used to having distractions, I need to get used to being at ease with myself when the silence is all I have, to handle my thoughts better because I usually start over thinking things and wondering things I shouldn't be questioning. "Todo a su tiempo" which means, "all has a timing" and right now if I try to rush thru this then nothing will be accomplished, I just need to focus on the present, the chips will fall where they may.

me, myself and solitude.

I haven't gone out all week, I've been pretty much going from work to home, cooking and playing with Abbey, Ry has gone out all week. I started a journal at home and read about medidating, also decided I'm going to learn how to play the harmonica, I'm spending a lot more time by myself now, practicing some much needed solitude. I've learned so much about my nature lately, the wild woman inside me, how I must not tame her yet learn to use only her qualities instead of the negatives. Some things aren't going to change, but some are a must. I haven't drank either, I plan on buying some soothing caffeine free tea for night times, I'm taking a break. I'm not going to become a loner either, I love being social and that's why tonight I'm going out for a while but with all the events that have recently happened, I think the best thing to do is to dissapear, which I have done to an extend. Work is keeping me busy and so is being at home, I still have a lot of bickering inside my head, a lot of questions that I know will go unanswer for a long time. I know that whatever's meant to happen will happen. I am simply creating a ying yang balance of loudness and silence within my life. There's no point on getting anxious, or living with an eternal "what if" inside my head, it is what it is and this is just another lesson, in the school of life.

byebye summer time

and with summer so many things end too, it was fun...it was crazy and maybe a little painful, i've learned and continue to learn. I'm practicing solitude now, I partied my way into almost insanity and I need to have some time alone, aside from that, all those who partied with me have gone their own way, which is good I guess, a change of pace. Now, fall is here...the leaves are falling off the trees, the weather is getting colder and I'm also getting rid of a lot of baggage, I'm setting goals and learning to do new things with my time. Everyone needs some time on their own, and all alone...I feel like my world got too crowded, too loud, leaving me a little crazy. I'm on my way to a healthier place, I said good bye to some people, to certain behaviour, I'm still me, just quieter and more focus, I need that silence right now. My world stopped spinning, and is a good thing...I was about to fall and I caught myself just in time, to enjoy this new and soothing season with a new vision in mind.

Welcome Autumn.