Acceptance

I read today that the faster you accept it, the faster you get over it. I feel like this is so crucial because there's nothing we can do about certain situations, we can't change how life is, but mind power is the key. If you accept and embrace the problem/issue then it will stop bothering us. It's so simple yet so difficult, because we want things to work out NOW, we want to have it ALL and we sometimes cant accept that we can't always get what we want and that sometimes, you just gotta let it go. This applies to everything, that boy you desperately want, that job you are seeking, the body you are killing yourself to have, etc. It's all about giving it your all but at some point you must realize that if it's not happening then you need to accept it and move on. By moving on, I mean...continue to live your life not just live it but enjoy it. To try to find the power within yourself to pull yourself together and rise up every day trusting that destiny has your back and that God is there taking care of everything.
So, now that I've philosophied I gotta say that waking up early to cook it's definitely a better choice then to have to get off work, pick up Abbey and rush thru everything, it was just too stressful. I know that soon it'll be hot as hell and Ry coming home in the skateboard it's only a temp solution so, I had to step up. It feels pretty good to know that once I get home I dont have to do anything but heat up the food and that's it. I put my mp3 on and I cook and finish before 7:30 am which makes me feel pretty fucking awesome, I guess I am a grown up now, cooking early and having mommy duty but it's fun, it's challenging, why be on the safe side? Challenges give you so much self assurance once you have surpass them, so I'm here, let's do it.

Lightswitch

Back and forward, one day I feel like I got this, I got it all under control. My will power is strong and steady, I could do this. Then, one night I lose it, I forget about the steps I've moved forward and I burn it all down because I'm weak, and alcohol doesnt help at all when you're trying to forbid certain thoughts and omit feeligs. So, yea one action, one stupid act of weakness and I chopped it all down to the ground again. Now, is time to start climbing the fucking mountain again. I totally lost sight, call it loneliness or whatever there's no point on dwelling on it. I can't take it back, but I could start over so, once again LIGHTSWITCH and this time, it'll stay off. By this I mean, that my emotions, my thoughts and everything else that I need to control and put away MUST be OFF and by off I mean, no acting/feeling/thinking/ of this, it's done...put away. OVER. I know that the only realistic way of doing this is day by day, every night the lightswitch stays off is one more day accounted for, is one more day to feel stronger, and that will only lead to more and more days like that so, this is what I must do, for how long? I dont know, only life knows but for now, I'm not even worried about that, for now...all I must do is keep it off and move on.