questions.

Did you forget about me now? About the dim lights and sleepless nights. Did you forget the rush we felt every time we met up by the lake? I know that wasn't fake. Did you erase from your mind the scent of my hair and the way I would whisper in your ear words only you can hear?
Is it easier on you now? Now that I'm not around, now that your day lacks my voice waking you up at random times. Is it better for you? Better to not miss me and forget? Better to think of me and regret?
Is this better now? The distance, time slipping away like a sand clock into an ocean of silence. Did you let go already? Was it easy to watch me walk away? Is it easy to know I'm not there, or is it hard still? How does it feel?
Do you hate me now? Hate every moment because it reminds you that I'm no longer around? Do you feel down, when the party dies and there's no one around? Are you ready to move on with your life? Go on, say good bye...don't doubt, don't look back. Put away the book, the chapters, the sections...no more talking, the end, no more questions.

weekend recap.

I jumped over the fire on Saturday night at the Beltane celebration and I thought of all the things that I need to let go of, somehow life has managed to piss me off enough to get certain things out of my head. It's funny how anger helps you, it gives you strenght, it gives you wings to let go. Aside from that, I feel like I'm putting a lot of thought and energy in unimportant things. I have caught myself thinking and wishing for useless fantasies that I know in the end it won't really help. I really need to hurry the fuck up and take my theme photographs, my portraits ideas are overlapping inside my head and it's beginning to hurt. Friday night, Ry and I actually hung out and watched a movie and it was great, I enjoy his company. Obviously it's not like it used to be but it's still good and for that, I'm thankful. Saturday night I spend some time with the witches and then with Paulo, I'm still not sure about him, like I said, he's on probation. I feel like the main reason why he acted the way he did in the past is because he had such a negative energy around him, that and alcohol is not a good combo, but now he's really pleasant to hang out with and I'm being careful but I'm opening my friendship to him to see if he deserves it, everyone deserves a second chance sometimes. Abbey is wonderful, we gave her a little celebration party since she started in the 3 year old class today, she JUST turned 2.5 last week but I guess she needs to be in a class where there's more mental stimulation and I'm SOOOO proud, we all are. So, we threw her a little party, and we jammed out which I love to do, aside from things changing and evolving, jamming with Ry's family will always be one of my favorite things to do. So, aside from moving watching, cleaning, and beer drinking with my peeps, good weekend over all. There's some things I need to work on every day, there's still a lot to let go of and on Sunday while I cleaned I let myself cry, because that's the ultimate way to let things go sometimes and there's nothing wrong about that as long as you feel it in your heart that everything will turn out right, and I do feel it.