"Pero todo en este mundo es temporal, lo eres tu y lo soy yo"

"Everything in this world is temporarely, you and I included"

Tough week, my car ac broke, really annoying. I still dont know what's wrong really, i'm gonna have it checked tomorrow, i've been kinda pissed off, ry and i have been arguing a lot lately, we just rub each other the wrong way, but i dont want it to get out of control, i know that sometimes i get on bitch mode and i cant seem to get out of it, so we kinda made up with a hug, which is good.
i'm still letting time do its thing, it seems like a million years have passed in the last two weeks, too many events happening in front of my eyes. i'm still trying to make better choices, to understand that although life is short, there's always a wya to not end up in a hole, i just feel so jaded. i want something real, and as time passes by, i think that it doesnt exist, or maybe it doesnt exist for me. i understand why they wont talk to me, why the distance is needed but the silence between us is uncomfortable and hurtful, i just hope that in time, we could find ourselves in a better place, one where we could put the ugly behind and stick to being friends, to hanging out and having fun like once upon a time.

I really have a lot of balls, I mean...I'm soooo lucky in so many ways. I have a healthy, beautiful and outrageous daughter, I have a good relationship/friendship with her dad, I get along with his family very very well, I was able to find a good job (in this economy) fairly quickly, I have Vilma that aside her age and spontaneous A.C issues, she's still riding us around. I spend more money than I should on stupid things really, which I have to change because I need to start saving up and taking care of some debt too. I guess, there's no reason for me to really complain, I mean...yea, I have emotional issues and all my friends seem to have lost their minds or whatever, I really don't know who I can count with right now but I know that I have God and the angels and I know that all my needs will be taken care of, I just need to trust and to let go of negative thoughts, I need to trust my gut and think about all the wonderful things I have, I'm strong enough to see that there's always sunshine out there, there's sunshine in me and that's what's important.

Balance.

My mother in law has a couple of card decks, each of them is different, she has one for the goddesses, another one for angels, etc. Last time, I needed guidance, Abbey was playing with the Goddesses one and I asked her to pick a card, the card it was the Goddess, Athena and it said to trust your gut, which helped me so much because that's what I needed to hear. Yesterday, Abbey was playing with the Angels deck, and again I asked her to pick a card for me, she picked Balance, it basically said to learn to balance my life between work, family, myself and fun. Which is funny again, because that's exactly what I'm trying to achieve, all week last week I stayed home, meditated, relaxed, etc. On the weekend, I went out and played, spent time with my little girl, who's the most awesome person in my world, she makes everything brighter. So, little by little I'm moving on, I miss my friends, I still got some unfinished issues inside my mind, I'm learning to control my wild side to a point, honestly it'll be silly to think that I will change the wild woman inside me completely and I dont want to lose her, she's awesome, lol but I think is important to learn to balance myself between the pillars that divide my life, I need a new book, I also want to work on a new portrait, something creative. The silence of my house at night sometimes drives me crazy, I was so used to having distractions, I need to get used to being at ease with myself when the silence is all I have, to handle my thoughts better because I usually start over thinking things and wondering things I shouldn't be questioning. "Todo a su tiempo" which means, "all has a timing" and right now if I try to rush thru this then nothing will be accomplished, I just need to focus on the present, the chips will fall where they may.