sober.

It's been two weeks since it ended, since I felt my heart shift and I decided to stop eating shit and forget it. It wasn't done how I wanted it, but it had to be done like that I guess, to make it final. Either way, I feel like an addict, counting the weeks I've been sober. I guess, it is like a drug...you do go thru withdrawals, your mind stops spinning...your heart stops racing and it all feels different until you eventually learn to live without that feeling. I'm still learning, I gotta admit it is getting better. I understand that in time, everything gets easier. I also understand that time doesnt give a shit if you're not ready for it, shit happens and it's gonna happen to you no matter what, so might as well face it and sober up.

"Once upon a time I made a paper plane out of my heart and let it fly...

some people say they sometimes see it, soaring at night..."

on the wrong side of the fucking bed

Blame it on the cold I suddenly got or on the only medicine I had for it which happens to be for night time or on the fact that is Monday or on the daily annoyances like having to work, getting up, etc but I'm pissed off today. I'm mad that I owe money to the IRS that's not even my fault, I'm mad that Abbey still cries whenever I drop her off in daycare. I'm mad that I have to answer the fucking phone and take down messages I'm too weak or high on meds to write down. I'm pissed that I keep expecting and keep getting dissapointed. I'm mad that nothing seems to last. All in all, not in a good mood for various reasons and I'm trying to think about the good, like the fact that Abbey is lovely and aside from her crazy attitude she's wonderful or think about the great mother's day I had but sometimes life just makes you angry and I hold the right to be pissed off.