No plans just fun.

That's basically my new way of seeing weekends; I know that plans fall thru all the time and there's no point in planning and counting in something. It's better to open your mind and simply say no plans, just fun. Whatever you do end up doing, put your heart in it and rock it. I know that regardless of anything I want to spend as much time with Abbey as I can. She's such a delight to be around. Annoying at times, but overall just wonderful. She loves her daycare, she's so friendly and strong. She has a lot of qualities at her young age that I wish I had now, it's amazing how much she's learning and how much I am learning too. So, one thing I really want to do this weekend is check out the park where we should be having her bday party. I want to try to book it already so, at least the place will be set then I could worry about the other things like party stuff and food, etc. I also want to try to work on some of the picture ideas I have, so far I have three in mind: "Believe in fairies", "A little dead" and "Is my Mascara running?" Ry is supposed to be going out saturday night so, I might use the night to try to compose one of this shots. I dont know, at this point...I don't really anticipate, I just live.

Giving niceness a try

I noticed how brutally honest I am lately; this is not necesarily a good thing. I believe that in order to live in a peace world environment you must learn to accept people which I find so fucking hard to do at times because most people are rude, creepy and annoying. I have somehow developed this cruel honesty towards those people. I know that telling someone the truth is admirable but I think I've taken this to another unnecesary level. I am mean, like I would tell someone straight up that I do not want to sit with them or talk to them period. Usually because they give me a weird vibe and I simply really don't want to talk to them but I feel like maybe I could be nicer about it? Maybe I could try to sugar coat it a little bit at least in order to not get stabbed or punched in the face or something? I could give niceness a try.I could try to not be rude even if people are being rude, I mean isn't that being the bigger person? I'm just so aggresive lately, so hostile. I don't know where it came from but to certain people I'm simply a bitch to and I cannot help it. Like last night, I'm talking to Eri and we are obviously in this deep conversation and some dude interupts me to ask us if we are singing or something. I just looked at him and said "we are talking" I mean, what the hell? He was so rude. I'm sure he didnt' mean to interupt us or whatever but shit like that piss me off because I seriously doubt he was there to really ask us whether or not we were going to sing. He was there to try to get in our pants and waste our damn time which I put a stop to right from the start. I dont want to change who I am, which is this...I'm a bitch at times, but I mean well. I might be harsh but I'm still friendly to those I consider worthy. I dont think I'm the best, but I know what kinda of friend I am, I know I could blow your mind, I know my energy could pick you up and take you around the world therefore I try to surround myself with people who are equally powerful. Still, I could perhaps be nicer, say "I'm sorry, we are talking right now" instead of the hard cold response. Maybe I could try building more friends instead of shutting people down immediately. I think that you live and learn and this is me, learning.

Not a regular dreamer.

I wasnt raised in a new age world; my parents are hardcore christians. I wasn't raized to believe in alternative religion or unconventional ways of seeing the world but somehow I am drawn to that. I dont think it's rebellion anymore, maybe when I was younger it was but now I'm beginning to realize what this is and how strong it is. I'm a dreamer, and no I dont mean it in the emo way you are thinking about. I mean, I dream things...I dream about the future, I get messages and I see things in my dreams. Since I was a little girl I've had a real connection to my dreams; I have a highly developed subconcious and at first I thought that everyone has crazy dreams but now I see that this is a gift. Lately, my dreams are getting more and more intense and I seem to be in a state of awake/asleep at night. I think it's time for me to embarge of this, and embrace this gift. I think this is mostly for me, but I could also use this to help others. I've been reading and there're several things I most do. First, there's something called Dream Incubation which means you ask a question before bedtime and you let your Dream Oracle answer you; I must wait at least a week to see if I get that answer. Another important thing I have to do is to cleanse my chakras. I must practice a cleansing exercise at least three times a week. I must get a dream journal which I think I'm going to do here because I have more time at work to write than at home. Even, if I dont truly remember the dream I will try to post bits and pieces I do remember. I am definately sure of this, I think this is my calling. I've been neglecting this gift and is time to exercise it. I also must take care of myself, meditate, etc. I'm taking my Ametrine and Amethyst stones to full moon on friday and having them cleanse and charge so they could help me thru this. I'm so ready to dedicate myself to this girl and I pray that this will bring positivity and peace to my life as well as those around me.

Back.

Vacation's over. One thing that amazed me was how I cannot sleep late anymore. Even if Abbey wasnt there, I simply CAN'T. I felt like such an idiot waking up at 10:00 am when I could've slept til 1:00 pm but I couldn't do it. I felt like there was so much to enjoy while I was off work. So, I dragged Ry to one of the creepiest most random places in South Florida, the name Jimbos. People could live here their whole life and not know about this place, it's simply amazing. We went, we walked, we took pictures, we drank $2.00 beer, we got bit my murdeous mosquitos and then we went to play pool. I couldn't remember the last time I drank beer before 3:00 pm. It was vacation, man. The rest of the time was pleasant, I had time alone which I never do. I cleaned the house in my underwear and with the music loud as hell which I never do. We went to see Taking Woodstock and it was awesome; I felt like a was tripping at times..so weird. We went to Scullys and had a good time listening to a cool little band. Lunch at coconut grove, I visited Abbey's teacher and we hung out with her and her 2 yr old daughter. I realized then how big Abbey's getting. She was sitting on the couch with the other little girl, eating chicken nuggets, watching Care Bears and laughing. I could hear them from the kitchen making each other laugh and it was simply amazing. She is her own little person now. The rest on the time was a blast, Abbey's new thing to do is to let us know when she farts by saying "I farted". How awesome is that?? It's an automatic pick me up for me. We took her to the orthopedict and she does have a slight bow leg but the doctor said it should clear on its own, her knees are straight and that's what's important. Her birthday is two months away and I really need to get started on it. So much to do...I was kinda freaking out about it because of money. I really wish I could be like Abbey, she just trusts...she never worries, she knows that it will be provided. I need to be like that, I need to trust that it will be provided.