Time

There's nothing to do but give it time; I want to be numb. It killed me last night. I felt so helpless...helpless to the situation. I now feel better although I have no idea what to do or how to let go. I guess, I'll just give it time to see if it dissolves by itself without much effort. It's a long shot though, it hasn't dissolved in two years, doubt it will soon. I am so retarted, I don't know what I'm doing really, I'm just feeling. You'd think that at this age, I will have some sorta direction but I don't at all. I mean, you never really know where life will take you, look at Peanuts...she's 51 and she's still on the road, wondering what to do next. Day by day man, that's all you can do. My dad is leaving tomorrow, there goes the last of my blood relatives here...aside from Abbey, it's kinda lonely but something tells me that it's exactly how it's supposed to be, just her and I, that's all I truly need.

There's no happily ever after. And I dont care.

Sorry to be so damn realistic, but it's true. You won't meet someone and be in love forever and live happily ever after. You'll meet someone and it'll be great for a while until someone stops feeling it. Until someone changes or no one changes yet it doesnt feel the same. Maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll stay because changing your life will be too frightning for you to do but all in all there's no ONE happiness, there's no ONE love or ONE happily ever after. Took me 26 years to find this out and as depressing as it may seem, it's also liberating. I've met guys, many guys...some I cared for, some I didn't bother with, some I loved, some I still love. I've felt in love plenty of times, although later I realized it wasn't love. Still, some things are and some aren't and only time will tell you which things are real. Even if you spend 50 years with ONE person, it doesn't mean you got your happily ever after, it just means no one made a move. I meet people who have been together for a long time, get along just fine...I ask them what's the secret? They try to come up with some clique line like "Communication is key" I guarantee they haven't talked all night in years, made love in a decade? That's not happiness, things end whether the whole world knows or not, it fades. I am happy as of now, but I know that the only love that will be neverending, will be the love for my child...that's it. Whether I stay with Ry or not, whether I end up somewhere else, it's all temporary happiness and then it'll be gone. Maybe this is what makes it beautiful? Maybe it's sad? It's a pursuit, the pursuit of the happily ever after. I no longer care about being happy forever, give me this happiness...give me short happiness, even if it all ends, at least I could say that I've been happy...I no longer expect it to last forever; It's better if it doesn't.

Temporary Insanity

Is it possible for a regular person to plea temporaray insanity? To simply state that they have lost their damn mind? I think this happens a lot actually, a person for one reason or another might lose their insight and live in a bubble of irresponsability and crazyness and there's no other way of explaining this but to admit that sometimes, we all just go insane even if it's for a moment. It might not be as serious or it might be, it really depends but I'm pretty sure it's possible and I'm pretty sure, it's happening somewhere as we speak.