Lightswitch

Back and forward, one day I feel like I got this, I got it all under control. My will power is strong and steady, I could do this. Then, one night I lose it, I forget about the steps I've moved forward and I burn it all down because I'm weak, and alcohol doesnt help at all when you're trying to forbid certain thoughts and omit feeligs. So, yea one action, one stupid act of weakness and I chopped it all down to the ground again. Now, is time to start climbing the fucking mountain again. I totally lost sight, call it loneliness or whatever there's no point on dwelling on it. I can't take it back, but I could start over so, once again LIGHTSWITCH and this time, it'll stay off. By this I mean, that my emotions, my thoughts and everything else that I need to control and put away MUST be OFF and by off I mean, no acting/feeling/thinking/ of this, it's done...put away. OVER. I know that the only realistic way of doing this is day by day, every night the lightswitch stays off is one more day accounted for, is one more day to feel stronger, and that will only lead to more and more days like that so, this is what I must do, for how long? I dont know, only life knows but for now, I'm not even worried about that, for now...all I must do is keep it off and move on.