Crossroads.

One bad decision could lead to a another, if feels like I've been making bad decisions for almost a year, blame it on my wild nature, or on me getting my emotions do what they want with me, but things are so fucking messed up right now. After thinking it over and almost losing my mind, I know what I must do. I need to be left the fuck alone, I need to forget about men, about hooking up, about using people to get over people, over situations, I need to practice solitude and spend some time alone, single, unattached, for real. I need to live healthier, mentally and physically, I need to go back to nature, to distract myself with hobbies, apparently I have done enough to dig a huge hole and didnt even know about it until I was burried under so much bullshit. Instead of unloading my emotional baggage, I've added to it and it's so heavy right now, that i cant barely breath. I don't know what's ahead, I feel kinda lonely considering that I am stepping back and leaving things behind. I need time to clear my head, I need time to focus, to heal...I need to heal. I feel like I've been limping, I've been flying with broken wings and I finally got to a point when I cant pretend anymore, I need to take a break and really heal, to unload all the crap inside me that's causing stress, insecurities, pain. I need to do this by myself, instead of being such a pussy about it and depend on things to "forget about" things, I know better now...it doesnt work that way. I claim to be a bad ass, well solitude is bad ass, doing things by myself and for myself takes balls and that's what i need, not to use someone to get someone else out of my head but to actually grow the balls to walk away and do it by myself. I know it's gonna be hard to break the pattern I've been following but one step at a time is what matters, I need to find myself and only in the silence I will be able to heal and listen to my heart, is too damn noisy already. I will focus on positive, self fullfilling things, focus on my daughter, on work, on art, on good friends that i have no emotional baggage with, I will make better choices, this is my crossroads, once i'm done, i'll be able to walk with a firmer step, be a better version of me, I'm sooo ready for this. Bring it on.