walking towards happiness

What is it that I want? It seems to me that I might have a problem. I know it sounds funny but I think I do, I still feel jealous of something that it doesnt exist anymore, I miss something that can't be and it makes me feel so weak and lost. I expect and if my expectations aren't met, I dont know if to be happy or sad. All in all, there's only one thing I want, to be happy and not just me but I want Abbey to be safe and happy, it hurts me to think that Ry and I might split for good one day, because I know that Abbey is used to us living together etc, but I know that we both deserve to be happy, truly happy not just content. Life's too short to sit on a comfort zone and although changes hurt, I know that life is all about changes and chances and I'm not going to miss out on a good chance of being happy, I know that Ryan deserves the same. I just trust that this change will be only for the good of everyone, that time will help us get used to this new pattern and that it'll happen on the right time, so everything could fall into place. Just like it happened when I had to change jobs, I was terrified on the thought of changing daycares, changing routines, etc and then when it happened, it was done and everything worked out. I know that it was meant to be because of how smoothly things went. I am willing to wait, to try and make sure this change happens in the right time and for the right reasons, I don't want to do it for a man or because I'm lonely, I want to do it because it's my path to happiness, and I know that God has my back and will make life and the transition easy on me and my little girl. I just want her to be protected, safe and happy. I know that life is life and is crappy at times, and sometimes sheltering kids causes more harm than good but as a mom you can't blame me for trying to keep her from the bullshit that lives out there. I just pray for guidance, for patience, for peace of mind, for intuition because I will need all of these and more qualities to walk the long path ahead.